the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize