Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
