hell yes lets make some ravioli
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
