Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
