Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
