i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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