you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize