my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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