...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I came so hard my ears popped.
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