Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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