You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
