turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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