Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
