remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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