he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
