Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
