Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
