It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
