Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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