i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize