thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to make out with him forever
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
