this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
