Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
