I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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