Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
