apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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