I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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