By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
