Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
