I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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