its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
