Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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