We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
