you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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