you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
