then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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