i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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