Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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