Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
