I don't remember. Are we still dating?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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