Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
