take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
