So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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