I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
