Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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