So drunk its hurt
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
