I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
