hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can you bring me the toilet please
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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