i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
