If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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