Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
this is an emotional support booty call
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
