you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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