the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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