Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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