I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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