just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
