pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
