too bad you live with your parents still
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
