Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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