The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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