guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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