mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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