Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
