Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
