just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
