i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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