So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They have beer where we have blood.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
