Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
