something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
PANTIES FOUND
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
