8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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