They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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