my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
