i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
